Vampires

They are scary. And the other day I had a close encounter with them. At school, of all places. It was all very strange.

I was summoned from class to go see them. They made me sit down and read a booklet before they would take my blood. It was quite possibly the most boring piece of literature I have ever read, full of stuff that I could have only been written by someone with severe xenophobia, or at least a hatred for Europe, Africa, and various third-world countries. Vampires are very unexciting people. They also made me sign some stuff.

After that, they interviewed me. I guess they like to get to know their meal before they actually chow down. So I answered questions such as, "What is your birthday?" and, "Are you male?", as well as complied with some demands such as, "Show me your ID," and, "Let me see your arms." It was simple enough. I suppose that this ritual is to ensure the quality of their meals. They even had to look at my blood first before they ate it by stabbing my finger. Vampires are so picky nowadays.

After the interview, they told me to take a pop quiz on the computer and left (probably because I was still in school). It seemed to consist mostly of questions concerning my sexual activities and foreigners, or perhaps my sexual activities with foreigners. I'm not sure. I apparently passed because they came back and led me to a bed.

I laid down and braced myself for the bite, resigning myself to my fate (a fate, I might add, that could have been easily avoided had I not been so apathetic toward the whole ordeal). You can imagine my surprise when instead of biting me, they jabbed a needle in my arm. They gave me a ball to squeeze too, likely for stress for relief purposes (it helped a little). They dripped it into a nice little plastic bag, patched me up, and sent me off.

It appears that vampires are just as subject to the effects of corporate America as common people are. They're too fat and lazy to go get their own blood, so they buy packs of the stuff from the more business-minded vampires. A good move on their part. I mean, you don't see farmers harvesting their crops, then spraying them with herbicides and salting the ground.

Some more things I did not expect from the vampires are that they like Lady Gaga and that they would also give me food. Lots and lots of food.

Also, I got a t-shirt.

and a sticker.