The other day, I joined my sister in watching TV. After a moment, I decided that the TV was too quiet. Earlier that day I hadn't been able to find the remote for the television. I figured it was still lost so I got up and turned it up manually. I turned and asked my sister's approval for the new volume: "Is this good?"
Her eyes opened wide in shock, and I started to feel a little nervous. What? Is there something wrong? Is the TV so loud it's offensive? Is there a spider on me? Oh, I hope there isn't a spider on me. I would flip out if there was a big, hairy, eight-legged killing machine on me. They are vile, vile creatures. Where's a shoe?!
After that thought process, she asked, "Can you read my mind?" very surprised-like. Huh? What kind of a question is that? I just wanted to know if I turned up the volume enough. Then I realized she had been wanting the volume up too.
Apparently, before I turned up the volume, she had been thinking about turning up the volume, but she couldn't find the remote and didn't want to get up to turn it up. So when I got up, turned the volume up, and asked her if it was loud enough, I freaked her out.
I proceeded to tell her that she shouldn't be thinking those things she thinks all the time about that one person.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
10 Things That Annoy Me
These aren't in any particular order.
1. Getting texts when I'm busy. When I'm trying to do something important, the last thing I want to do is to stop what I'm doing, pull out my phone, and text someone back thus initiating a repeating sequence of stopping, texting, and starting again. But if I don't text back, they usually get mad that I didn't. It's a no-win situation.
2. When I text someone, but they don't text back. It hurts my feelings. It makes me think, "What, I'm not important enough for you to take a minute to text back?" Usually while I'm waiting for someone to text back, I start doing something else. Then when I get a text, but it's not the person to whom I had originally sent a text, I get annoyed that they made me stop what I was doing.
3. When I don't know what to do with my eyes when I'm walking the opposite direction of someone in a hallway. You know they're there. They know you're there. But you two don't know each other. You look at them, but you don't want them to think you're staring, so you look away. Then you worry that they'll think you purposely choosing to not acknowledge their existence, so you look back at them. You make eye contact, and both of you quickly look away, desperately wishing that you were somewhere else.
4. When someone leaves a box of cereal in the cupboard when it is practically empty. I mean, seriously. Why couldn't they have just taken the rest of the cereal? What were they thinking? That the no one would mind if there was hardly enough cereal to fill a shot glass with the cereal? I mean, how hard would it have been to pour out the rest into your bowl and throw the box away? This usually ruins my mornings when it happens.
5. Mispronounced words. Particularly when "library" is pronounced "libary" and when "espresso" is pronounce "expresso." Also "pacific" rather than "specific."
6. Blatantly auto-tuned music. If your voice needs to be corrected so much that you sound like a robot in your songs, you shouldn't be singing. Even if it's for stylistic purposes, it sounds stupid.
7. My generation. They're stupid, lazy, and dont no much abowt spelling punctuation or grammer and have a unearned sense of entitlement
8. When I'm trying to tie my shoes, and my kitten tries to make it as difficult as possible. Nearly every time I put on my shoes, the kitten is there. He stalks me around the house in the morning, just waiting for me to put my shoes on. I think it makes his day when he makes mine harder. I try to tie them while he's grabbing them, pouncing on my shoes, and scratching up my hands. Usually once I start on the second one, he's successfully undone the first.
9. How people think tacking "just kidding" onto an insult makes everything all right. Don't look at me like that. Yes, like that. It looks ugly. Oh, that's...what? Oh, that's your normal face? Oops, sorry. You should get something for that. Like surgery...or maybe a paper bag? Just kidding. You look nice, at least in this light. Just kidding. You look bad in all light. Just kidding.
10. The way that apple juice always seems to be in every other fruit juice. It makes me scared to drink any juice. I'm allergic to apple juice. If I drink enough, things happen. Bad things. Horrible things. The kind of horrible where I should only consider drinking it if I'm constipated. And at home. On the toilet. It's not fun when I drink a glass of juice, only to find out it had 25% apple juice so I have to spend the rest of the day terrified that I'll have the dirty squirties at a very inopportune time.
1. Getting texts when I'm busy. When I'm trying to do something important, the last thing I want to do is to stop what I'm doing, pull out my phone, and text someone back thus initiating a repeating sequence of stopping, texting, and starting again. But if I don't text back, they usually get mad that I didn't. It's a no-win situation.
2. When I text someone, but they don't text back. It hurts my feelings. It makes me think, "What, I'm not important enough for you to take a minute to text back?" Usually while I'm waiting for someone to text back, I start doing something else. Then when I get a text, but it's not the person to whom I had originally sent a text, I get annoyed that they made me stop what I was doing.
3. When I don't know what to do with my eyes when I'm walking the opposite direction of someone in a hallway. You know they're there. They know you're there. But you two don't know each other. You look at them, but you don't want them to think you're staring, so you look away. Then you worry that they'll think you purposely choosing to not acknowledge their existence, so you look back at them. You make eye contact, and both of you quickly look away, desperately wishing that you were somewhere else.
4. When someone leaves a box of cereal in the cupboard when it is practically empty. I mean, seriously. Why couldn't they have just taken the rest of the cereal? What were they thinking? That the no one would mind if there was hardly enough cereal to fill a shot glass with the cereal? I mean, how hard would it have been to pour out the rest into your bowl and throw the box away? This usually ruins my mornings when it happens.
5. Mispronounced words. Particularly when "library" is pronounced "libary" and when "espresso" is pronounce "expresso." Also "pacific" rather than "specific."
6. Blatantly auto-tuned music. If your voice needs to be corrected so much that you sound like a robot in your songs, you shouldn't be singing. Even if it's for stylistic purposes, it sounds stupid.
7. My generation. They're stupid, lazy, and dont no much abowt spelling punctuation or grammer and have a unearned sense of entitlement
8. When I'm trying to tie my shoes, and my kitten tries to make it as difficult as possible. Nearly every time I put on my shoes, the kitten is there. He stalks me around the house in the morning, just waiting for me to put my shoes on. I think it makes his day when he makes mine harder. I try to tie them while he's grabbing them, pouncing on my shoes, and scratching up my hands. Usually once I start on the second one, he's successfully undone the first.
9. How people think tacking "just kidding" onto an insult makes everything all right. Don't look at me like that. Yes, like that. It looks ugly. Oh, that's...what? Oh, that's your normal face? Oops, sorry. You should get something for that. Like surgery...or maybe a paper bag? Just kidding. You look nice, at least in this light. Just kidding. You look bad in all light. Just kidding.
10. The way that apple juice always seems to be in every other fruit juice. It makes me scared to drink any juice. I'm allergic to apple juice. If I drink enough, things happen. Bad things. Horrible things. The kind of horrible where I should only consider drinking it if I'm constipated. And at home. On the toilet. It's not fun when I drink a glass of juice, only to find out it had 25% apple juice so I have to spend the rest of the day terrified that I'll have the dirty squirties at a very inopportune time.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Vampires
They are scary. And the other day I had a close encounter with them. At school, of all places. It was all very strange.
I was summoned from class to go see them. They made me sit down and read a booklet before they would take my blood. It was quite possibly the most boring piece of literature I have ever read, full of stuff that I could have only been written by someone with severe xenophobia, or at least a hatred for Europe, Africa, and various third-world countries. Vampires are very unexciting people. They also made me sign some stuff.
After that, they interviewed me. I guess they like to get to know their meal before they actually chow down. So I answered questions such as, "What is your birthday?" and, "Are you male?", as well as complied with some demands such as, "Show me your ID," and, "Let me see your arms." It was simple enough. I suppose that this ritual is to ensure the quality of their meals. They even had to look at my blood first before they ate it by stabbing my finger. Vampires are so picky nowadays.
After the interview, they told me to take a pop quiz on the computer and left (probably because I was still in school). It seemed to consist mostly of questions concerning my sexual activities and foreigners, or perhaps my sexual activities with foreigners. I'm not sure. I apparently passed because they came back and led me to a bed.
I laid down and braced myself for the bite, resigning myself to my fate (a fate, I might add, that could have been easily avoided had I not been so apathetic toward the whole ordeal). You can imagine my surprise when instead of biting me, they jabbed a needle in my arm. They gave me a ball to squeeze too, likely for stress for relief purposes (it helped a little). They dripped it into a nice little plastic bag, patched me up, and sent me off.
It appears that vampires are just as subject to the effects of corporate America as common people are. They're too fat and lazy to go get their own blood, so they buy packs of the stuff from the more business-minded vampires. A good move on their part. I mean, you don't see farmers harvesting their crops, then spraying them with herbicides and salting the ground.
It appears that vampires are just as subject to the effects of corporate America as common people are. They're too fat and lazy to go get their own blood, so they buy packs of the stuff from the more business-minded vampires. A good move on their part. I mean, you don't see farmers harvesting their crops, then spraying them with herbicides and salting the ground.
Some more things I did not expect from the vampires are that they like Lady Gaga and that they would also give me food. Lots and lots of food.
Also, I got a t-shirt.
and a sticker.
and a sticker.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
"This does not bode well,"
...I thought while typing out this blog post, "This does not bode well at all for my productivity." It seems that this site may very well become my primary means of procrastination, perhaps for the rest of my life. It's way too much fun. Plus, there's a meter that measures how popular I am.
I've only had three blog views, and yet I fantasize that I will have at least one-hundred by tomorrow. One of them was apparently using Jakarta Commons-HttpClient. I have no clue what that is. It sounds like something I'd have to learn to speak HTML to use. I don't need HTML. I have Spanish.
Anyway, let me talk about something that has been troubling me lately.
I haven't had my first kiss yet. At least if you don't include my mother. Or my childhood friend. (she was like three, I was two).
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Alex! ALEEEX!! Me! I can be your first kiss, Alex! ALEEEX!" but I'm sorry. These luscious lips are sealed until I find the right woman. Or so I thought...
I recently landed a part in the school play as a WWII Sailor. When I auditioned for the part, he was to simply be narrating his journal entries. Stuff about D-Day and death and kittens or something. That was all. But when I got the part, they dropped this huge atom-sized bomb (is that right) on me. He was no longer writing in his journal; he was writing letters to his girlfriend. Apparently, back home they were competition ballroom dancers (I'm assuming) because somewhere in the scene they are going to do the tango. Also, they are going to make out or something.
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Alex! ALEEEX!! Me! I can be your first kiss, Alex! ALEEEX!" but I'm sorry. These luscious lips are sealed until I find the right woman. Or so I thought...
I recently landed a part in the school play as a WWII Sailor. When I auditioned for the part, he was to simply be narrating his journal entries. Stuff about D-Day and death and kittens or something. That was all. But when I got the part, they dropped this huge atom-sized bomb (is that right) on me. He was no longer writing in his journal; he was writing letters to his girlfriend. Apparently, back home they were competition ballroom dancers (I'm assuming) because somewhere in the scene they are going to do the tango. Also, they are going to make out or something.
Well, not make out, per say, but rather reenact this famous WWII picture. It's a bit of a stretch, but I'd be fine with it if it wasn't for a little teensy problem. It's going to be my first kiss. I didn't really picture my first kiss being in front of an audience. Not that I pictured it. Men don't think about that stuff...
Perhaps this is life's way of saying "Yo, you've waited to long to kiss a girl. And yo momma don't count. Neither does that chick from back when you were two, yo." So now life has assigned be someone to kiss.
Speaking of being old, I'm going to turn eighteen in a few months here. I was worried that I would have to kiss her after I turned 18, since she's like sixteen (thus a minor). I've had nightmares. Horrible nightmares full of kissing and bad breath and police bursting in and slapping some 'cuffs on me saying "You're under arrest for statutory rape, you pervert, you!" Well, I haven't really, but I've thought about what would happen.
How do those laws work anyway? Look at these two different scenarios:
a) A 17-year-old boy and a 16-year-old girl kiss. Aww...how sweet!
b) An 18-year-old boy and a 17-year-old girl kiss. Look at that filthy, perverted rapist! Get him!
Wha-? Being done here is no making of sense. (chew on that for a while)
Anyway, I'm going to be 17 still when we put on the show. And I mean the play.
But yeah, first kisses and all that. Mine will be out in plain view for all to see. Don't miss it.
a) A 17-year-old boy and a 16-year-old girl kiss. Aww...how sweet!
b) An 18-year-old boy and a 17-year-old girl kiss. Look at that filthy, perverted rapist! Get him!
Wha-? Being done here is no making of sense. (chew on that for a while)
Anyway, I'm going to be 17 still when we put on the show. And I mean the play.
But yeah, first kisses and all that. Mine will be out in plain view for all to see. Don't miss it.
My Blog
Hoooooly crap.
This blog is overwhelming. I made it, thinking, "Oh, this will be easy. All I have to do is write stuff." Then I look around, surveying my new website (I do love having a new website. It gives me a new place to procrastinate. It was getting too difficult to procrastinate on Facebook or YouTube.) when I realized what I had gotten myself into.
I mean, look at the size of this thing! Oh, wait. you can't. What you see is similar to what one sees when the look at the line for a ride at Six Flags. You see the entrance, all nice and neat; and the line looks so short! What I see is what one sees after they've been standing in the line for two hours and still have another two hours of the cycle of sitting on handrails, being told not to sit on the handrails, and then sitting on them again. I see the labyrinth behind the elaborate disguise of walls and foliage.
When I discovered I could make this blog look pretty, I had to! I don't want an ugly blog for my readers! It has to be perfect! So, I go to that design template thingy and attempt to give my blog a makeover. I searched through the vast forest of backgrounds, looking for something that my blog would also be: something random, yet insightful; something nonsensical, yet brilliant; something completely off the wall, and yet still every and any person could relate to it. I settled on this yellow-ish background with some out-of-focus lights on the side.
I looked painstakingly through the fonts, trying to find the perfect one: Courier, Georgia, Helvetica, Tebuchet! I settled on Arial.
Then there's this HTML crap. What the hell?! I'm supposed to learn a new language to have a successful blog? This is crap! I've already learned enough Spanish to survive un fin de semana en México! But never mind that. I'll just ignore it and hope it goes away.
The elephant in the room is that no one reads this blog, and in all likelihood, no one will read this blog. Seriously, I'm just a seventeen-year-old high-schooler in a world of hundreds of thousands of seventeen-year-old high-schoolers. There are no doubt many more interesting seventeen-year-olds there. Maybe even a few, more-interesting adults. But nothing beats teenage angst. Just ask Stephanie Meyer.
Anyway, I think the point of this blog was to beg forgiveness for my web design incompetence. Or maybe it was to introduce myself.
Hi. I'm Alex, and this is my blog.
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